Back in the day, it used to be all about the drunk dial. If the person you called failed to pick up, then you left the drunk voicemail. As technology grew and developed, so too did the drunk dial. It became the drunk text or Facebook message.
Drunk texting used to be very simple. You have too much to drink and suddenly texting your ex-boyfriend /ex-girlfriend/potential suitor/that guy you’ve fancied for ages, seems like the best idea EVER. To your drunken mind, this is a genius way to get something off your chest. Such messages will always give the impression that you are intelligent, irresistible and not even a little bit desperate. They generally take this form:
“YoUuuj shoudl have cofme out gtonight . ;)d ;l noT the sme wihtou yooou. lol. xx”
These texts are usually followed by you waking up the next day, checking your sent items and feeling your soul and pride dying inside of you. Followed by an awkward, “Jeez, how drunk was I?” text to the victim of your drunken desires.
The drunk text was never your friend, but at least you knew what you were after saying. Oh how times have changed. Gone are the days of the drunk text and instead, the drunken Snapchat reigns.
For those of you who have no idea what Snapchat is, first of all where have you been? And secondly, allow me to explain. Snapchat allows you to send a picture to your friends, complete with a caption and optional paint features. You can choose the length of time that the person can see the photo, up to the duration of 10 seconds, and after that, it’s gone forever.
Now that’s all well and good, until you’ve consumed half a bottle of vodka and started sending drunken selfies with God-knows-what kind of captions to all your friends. You can more or less guarantee that any such photos are not going to be flattering, or portray you in attractive or intelligent lighting. You also have no record of what you sent.
The only comfort you have with the drunken Snapchat, is that the recipient doesn’t get to see it for long, and therefore this can minimize the damage done. Until the fucker screenshots it of course.
I think it’s time the Plain White Tees coined a new song, to reflect the times we now live in: