How to live way beyond your means

Does anyone remember Charlie Haughey’s “We are living way beyond our means” speech way back in 1980? Yeah, neither do I, it was 12 years before I was born. However, I’ve seen enough episodes of Reeling in the Years to get the gist of what he was trying to say. Basically, living beyond your means is bad.

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Unfortunately for me, this is quite the talent of mine. Allow me to share my pearls of wisdom of how best to do this with you:

1) Move to bill pay, don’t pay attention to how much you use your phone – I remember when I first moved to bill pay. As far as I was concerned, this was the best idea I had ever had. My plan was going to include 200 minutes, 200 texts and a full gb of data for just €25. That was all well and good , until I realised I send waaaay more than 200 texts in a month. Cue bills of €40 a month rolling in. Shit.

2) Get yourself a credit card – When I applied for a credit card I justified it by saying I only get paid once a month and I would never spend more than I could pay off in one month. Although I stuck to this promise and never spent more money than I had, it has resulted in my wages being already gone by the time I get them.

3) Live on Starbucks Coffee and participate in all the Pizza Parties – Let’s have none of this instant coffee at home crack or cooking your meals from scratch. Sure Starbucks costs four times the price of the coffee you make yourself, and sure when you buy a cappuccino every day you’re in college it amounts to about a tenner a week, but doesn’t it taste nice? Likewise, when someone suggests getting a Dominos Detox/€80 worth of pizza hut, don’t mind the fact that you’ve had your dinner already, pizza is great!

4) Never miss a night out or an opportunity for pints – Ok so you can’t technically afford to go to Coppers tonight, but what if you just borrow money from that fund you were putting aside for the upcoming households bills? Then you’d be able to go. Sorted.

5) Spend the money that you’ve been setting aside for bills on alcohol – See point 4.

6) Develop a shopping addiction – This is by far the easiest way to live beyond your means. If you have a credit card ala point 2, this will help your addiction greatly. Or maybe hinder it. No longer can you avoid buying new clothes/shoes/handbags by simply staying away from the high street. Oh no no, the internet has changed that. Thus, just visit the likes of Amazon and Asos and shop to your heart’s desire with your little plastic friend.

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